Museum of Broken Relationships

So, my afternoon Internet Madness catch-up post has arrived ... And it happens to be a fairly appropriate one, it's the online Museum of Broken Relationships.

Here's how they describe their site:

Museum of Broken Relationships is a project which proceeds from the assumption that objects possess integrated fields - "holograms" of memories and emotions. With its layout the museum intends to create a space of 'secure memory' or 'protected remembrance' in order to preserve the material and nonmaterial heritage of broken relationships.

Want to Become a Donor? Have you recently broken up with your love? You feel an urge to remove or even permanently destroy everything that reminds you of this painful experience. Do not do that as you will surely regeret it some time.

By registering on the web pages of the Museum you become its donor and here you can store everything that reminds you of your bygone love: e-mails, photographs, SMS messages. If your memories still trigger off painful memories "lock" your exhibits for a specified period: 3 months, 6 months or however long you need for recovering. Simply 'remove' them into the museum during convalescence and participate in creation of "collective emotional history".

Interesting concept and not as voyeuristic as you might think. I doubt I would use a site like this, but clearly there are people out there who are and hopefully it's helping them heal their hurts. I prefer to hold onto all the memories of those past special times in your life, although they're now over, and appreciate the journey you had with someone else that was integral in getting you to where you are today. Besides I'm wa-ay too practical about life for that ...

It's a Slow Week

There is surprisingly little to report back this morning. Moved the last of my stuff from Bean's house yesterday afternoon. Which thankfully was not as emotionally draining as it was on the weekend. And I was pretty nervous to go back there after how I felt for the rest of Sunday. So today I'll be going back to leave my keys and whatnot and do a final once-over. And that will be that. Strange. A whole chapter of my life over. Blegh, I can't think about that right now.

So anyway, during the weekend while spending vast amounts of time trying to avoid my brain, I finished Norah Vincent's Self-Made Man.

Norah Vincent's witty and compulsively readable memoir tells how she dated women, joined a bowling league, visited strip bars, retreated to a monastery, got a job in sales and even infiltrated a men's therapy group. Norah did not predict how crucial the relationships Ned forged would be and how the burden of being an impostor would became almost too much to bear. The result is a constantly surprising and humane account of what it is to be a man - and a woman - in the modern world.

It was a fairly interesting read. I read some really bad reviews from guys on the Amazon site, but was curious to read it non the less. I believe in making up my own mind about books & movies.

Anyway, I think it the whole concept of what she set out to do is novel and whether or not you agree that she discovered the truth about men & how they interact and just how different that is from us girls, well that's up to you. It's not a scientific thing at all, it's all about her personal experience and interactions. And she certainly put herself in some interesting places, like a monastery! So, if you're curious, I suggest you read it otherwise, leave it alone.

Wedding Betting

Even tho I was forced to close my previous blog, Your Daily Dose of Internet Madness, all the way back in July 2005 (due to work restrictions, that I now feel compelled to ignore!), I have still stored up quite a number of websites that would've definitely qualified for an entry ... which I've now made space for here in my More Internet Madness category. So keep an eye out for these gems.

So here's a fun (?) website that has jumped on the Hot-or-Not bandwagon, it's called Wedding Betting and basically you have to provide your prediction on how long the happy couple in the picture will last. Judging by the prediction results I've seen so far, people are not optimistic in this day & age. Can't say I blame them following the recent fallout of my own life.

Santa's Been & Gone

So, it's back at work today for the quietest week of the year. The long weekend was a nice break from work, but it certainly had it's ups & downs.

After somehow magically surviving Sunday, Christmas morning arrived and it was a pretty good day all round. Went picnic-ing at Walter Sisulu botanical gardens with Jarred of Hurlingham (previously JC) and his lovely new girlf. The weather, although overcast, played along nicely and we managed to avoid the rain. In true Christmas-lunch style, we all ate too much but managed to walk off a little of it around the beautiful gardens. Definitely the closest thing to Kirstenbosch that the folks up in Jhb have.

Oh, and Peeb, thanks for the phone call from all the way around the world ;) And guard my new iPod with your life! I also got to have my traditional round-robin phone call (usually reserved for birthdays and whatnot, because I generally do not miss Christmas with the family) with all the TJs at Millers. The evening was fairly quiet and I spent most of it hiding from my brain in front of the tv.

Squashed the urge to sms Bean and wish him & his family. It was hard to do, but I figure it needed to be done. And to top things off, today it is 3 years since our first kiss.

Things in my head are pretty weird right now. I still definitely have pangs of mourning (sometimes whole days, like Sunday) for Bean and the life we had together or rather, the one we were supposed to have. But, I'm slowly realising how to tell the difference. I do still love him, for everything we shared and everything we once were and just because he really is a truly lovely person. But we had reached the end and I feel horribly guilty that I don't miss him the way I think I should. Mostly the pangs of "What have I done to my life?" come from the part of me that was building a life with him. The part that, I guess lives in most of us, the one that drives you to find a partner and share your life with someone. It's hard for me to grasp that that is over and that somewhere down the line, I'll have to start it all over again with someone else.

Yesterday was fairly relaxed. Varen got back from his weekend away with his family and we went to see The Holiday.

In writer/director Nancy Meyers' (Something's Gotta Give, What Women Want) The Holiday, two women on opposite sides of the globe, Amanda Woods (Cameron Diaz) and Iris Simpkins (Kate Winslet) find themselves in a similar predicament. Desperate for a change of scenery, the two women meet on the internet and swap houses for the Christmas holiday discovering that a change of address really can change your life.

It was okay and yes, I'm glad I wasn't watching it on my own. Had some funny bits and generally a star-studded cast. Good light schmaltzy entertainment, perfect for this time of year.

So although for some bizarre reason (most likely related to all the feelings mentioned above) I feel these odds pangs of guilt over spending time and having fun and laughing with Varen, life carries on regardless. And I could choose to sit at home moping over a decision I feel is right, although it still makes me sad when things are quiet and I'm left alone with my thoughts. Or I can spend my time with other people who provide some fairly good distractions from my internal upheaval. I'm choosing the latter and although I know it doesn't take away the sadness, it provides me with some laughter to balance it out and assures me that life is not without hope and that things just might get better ;)

So he's asked me to go with him to his farm in the Free State for New Years, and I just might. It will be good to get away to somewhere new and feel like I have had a bit of a break since it is, after all, the holiday season.

Who can believe it's Christmas Eve

All I can say is thank goodness for Prison Break. Today has been emotionally exhausting. Somehow I feel as though I have been run over by a huge steamroller and numb all at the same time. I tried going to the shops for food earlier and felt far too much like a zombie to be part of the public Christmas Spirit, so I've sequestered myself at home with Prison Break. I'm watching it so that my mind doesn't attack me.

I went to fetch most of my stuff from Bean's today. I think I've now completely run out of tears, at least for today. It was more painful than I thought. It left me feeling once again like a terrible person. I did this, I chose it. We had a life together, a home and we were happy. It was supposed to work. It should've worked. Why couldn't I make it work?? It's funny how, when you love someone, you think it's better and it somehow seems easier to hurt yourself and live with it than to hurt them. That is, until you realise you're not saving them from the hurt at all, in fact all you're doing is prolonging it for both of you and you're not saving anyone. I didn't mean to hurt him. I never wanted that. We were supposed to live happily ever after. How does this happen when you least expect it? Perhaps that's it, you become complacent, you take each other for granted, you think you've got to that perfect place that everyone tells you is where you're supposed to be. And then one day you wake up & look around and think "Is this my life? Is this everything that I want and need from my life?". I don't know how you ever answer that question and I'm afraid that maybe you never can ...

Everyone tells me it just takes time and that time is really all that can heal you. I guess that is true, but it fucking hurts in the meantime.

I loved him so much and I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him and we would be happy forever. I was wrong. I guess we could've gone along with that, lived the formula life. And mostly we would've been fine. Mostly. But I know, from the last few months that there would've been those long days where I wondered if there wasn't supposed to be more. Where I wondered if this really was all I wanted or could fairly expect from life. And for some people that is enough, and that's fine. But what about me? How does one find these answers? Trial and error, I guess. And that's how I got here today.

Wow, I thought it would take longer to put it into words. I guess the words and thoughts are quite simple, but they don't make me feel better. I still feel like maybe I didn't try hard enough or try the right thing. But that's exhausting too, to keep trying and trying while someone else thinks everything is perfect. This person you're supposed to be able to tell everything to and yet you can't share this pain with them. Because, well, that would hurt them. So suffer in silence till you can't any more. And then hurt them and yourself and hope you both have the strength and enough faith in the human spirit and survival to recover and continue with your lives, separately. God, I hope he still believes in love and happily ever after. I hope I do.

Blegh. Quick before I start crying again, a brief catch up on the less painful part of my weekend so far ... Had a good dinner at Varen's house on Friday night and we watched some dvds, Cars & Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Cars was okay, it's animated so one doesn't expect too much from the storyline and in the latest fashion of kiddies movies was pleasant enough for us adults. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang I'd seen before but wanted to watch again, which should be enough to tell you I think it is a fantastic movie. Right up there with Lucky Number Slevin which was recently showing on big screen. Both brilliant and if you haven't seen them, go home and rent them this minute.

A thesp-turned-crook gets a chance at career in movies as well as crime scene investigation in this offbeat action comedy with nods to Raymond Chandler. Harry Lockhart (Robert Downey Jr.) is a struggling New York actor who high-tails it to Los Angeles. Once there, Lockhart winds up at the posh home of the aptly-named homosexual private eye Gay Perry ({Val Kilmer}) amid a lavish Hollywood party, hoping to score a life-changing role in a Hollywood feature. Harry becomes reacquainted with Harmony (Michelle Monaghan), a girl he had a major crush on in his small-town Indiana high school, who may be a bit more interested in him now than she was years ago. He takes both her and her girlfriend home with him, but - in a moment of drunken stupor - accidentally sleeps with the wrong woman. Meanwhile, when a series of female bodies turns up across L.A., Harry slowly breaks into detective work, mentored by Perry. The biggest twist? Black riffs Adaptation and other films by having Harry (via satirical narration) write the movie while he is living it. Harry assures the audience that unlike Lord of the Rings, this one won't have seventeen endings.

A case of mistaken identity lands Slevin (Josh Hartnett) into the middle of a war being plotted by two of New York City's rival crime bosses: The Rabbi (Ben Kingsley) and The Boss (Morgan Freeman). Slevin is under constant surveillance by relentless Detective Brikowski (Stanley Tucci) as well as the infamous assassin Goodkat (Bruce Willis) and finds himself having to hatch his own ingenious plot to get them...before they get him.

Saturday was quiet, I decided not to do the move but to rather buy stuff in preparation (like a dive box). But in the evening I braved Monte Casino, where I think everyone that is still in Jhb was last night, to watch Eragon.

You are stronger than you realize. Wiser than you know. What was once your life is now your legend.
Based on the Christopher Paolini-penned bestselling fantasy novel about a youth whose discovery of a dragon egg leads him to become a knight and battle an evil king. The medieval-set tale revolves around a farm boy who learns he is the last of a breed of benevolent Dragon Riders, whose magical powers derived from their bond with the beasts.

It was okay but I was expecting more from a Dragon movie. The fight scenes weren't that impressive and if they wanted to cast Heath Ledger, they should've ... not some young look-alike who was probably cheaper. But, on the plus side, the baby dragon was really cute :)

And that about sums up the Christmas weekend so far. I was going to watch The Holiday this evening, but JC warned me off it in my emotional state. So I guess I'll stick to Prison Break and my book. I hope you all have a fantastic day tomorrow :)

Twas the Friday before Christmas

After sending out my Christmas Wishes email yesterday - late I know, for all the people who are most likely on leave already, but they'll get it when they're back and know I was thinking of them :) For the rest of your reading, here are my wishes for you:

I hope you all have a fantastic break (be it a lengthy one away from home or just enjoying the long weekend away from work) and a wonderful Christmas day spent with the people you love.

Mom, Dad & Peeb, it just won't be Christmas without you so, I've decided to skip it this year :) Here's hoping Jhb has some good sun-shiny weather so that my friend JC and I can enjoy our anti-Christmas picnic together.

And as these annual mass mail-type messages do, it started a few mail conversations & catch-ups with old friends :) Which is always nice. I did have a really interesting chat with an old school friend of mine, EvilBob. He'd been thru a long-term relationship break-up earlier this year and it seems our feelings were quite similar, he's just had months to find the words ...

Wanting that missing something is soo intangible but you know somehow it something you need. Nothing is outright wrong but slowly the small things that never bothered you become issues because you know the there is a bigger issue that you can't really explain. You argue over stupid things... It is someone you love and its best to end it before you end up hating them for something that is outside their control and something they can't fix.

Hurting someone you love and not being able to provide a real reason sucks, but you WILL be happier in the long run.

Exactly, but how terrible is that? I'm still having those pangs of memory, of the perfection of the relationship Bean and I had in my head and the one I thought we were supposed to be having in real life. He should be in Cape Town with his folks and friends now, I hope that helps him thru this. This weekend I have the unpleasant task of facing my decision head-on and going to his place where we lived together for nearly 2 years and pack up the rest of my stuff. Hopefully it'll be cathartic. I know it'll be sad. But that is only tomorrow.

Yesterday was a slow day at work, and I expect that'll be the case till January. After work I spent some time chatting & relaxing with Loulou & her crazy cat, Honey, at home. She's on leave now & off to East London this evening. Then it was off to drinks with JC. It's the first time I've seen him since he fell in love, so there was much gushing while his usually cynical personality took a back seat ;) Hopefully I'll get to meet the lovely lady at our anti-Christmas picnic, which should be at a nice botantical garden round here, but if that's closed we have a back-up plan: one of the road-islands on Hans Strydom ;) Oh, and he has a spanking new car, an Alpha GT ... it's red :) Nicely done.

After that I went home and finished watching the 4th season of Scrubs. Over the past few months, I haven't only turned to reading for my much needed escapism from my life, I've been watching Scrubs seasons 1 - 4. It's a good show. Now I can move on to finishing Prison Break, which Bean & I started together. At least that won't be quite as weird as watching Lost or 24 without him will be when the next seasons come out.

And now I feel I should introduce another character to my blog. MTJAF (I'm going to have to find a better nickname ... MTJAF will now be Varen. It's okay, he understands it so it'll do for now, till something more appropriate presents itself) has been mentioned before briefly and has played a fairly significant role in my life in the last few months. Here's the background story: We work together, although we'd never spoken until we landed up on a training course together where neither of us knew anyone else there. And so began a really good friendship. There was also an attraction there, but I wasn't available. Hell, at that stage neither was he and there was just the usual banter and innocent flirting of friends. When Bean & I broke up for about a month earlier in the year (roundabout September, I think), we did kiss. And after Bean & I got back together, we stayed friends and he listened to everything that was going on in my life, we laughed a lot and he provided some brief respite from my muddled thoughts.

Meanwhile, he wanted something more. And as I mentioned in my previous post, eventually we cut off all contact ... which was really hard to do because we'd become such good friends and in the workplace, that can be hard to find. But at the time, it needed to be done. Now that I'm not so muddled anymore and suddenly find myself available again, we have gravitated back into each other's orbits. And it's really nice. So tonight we're having dinner together.

And after another speedy gloss over the last few months of my life, I'm off. I may 3G-in during the weekend and post an update, but don't hold your breathe. So until after Christmas, have a good one :)

Working Hard, Clearly

Okay, so here is another interesting site ... well, not interesting as in hours of online fun, but interesting none the less.

Find out how much of your favorite energy drink or soda it would take to kill you by using this website: Death by Caffeine.

Apparently I'd have to drink 1805.59 glasses of Chocolate Milk to off myself - I wonder is that consecutively or thruout the course of my life ?? Either way, it's probably more than I'm likely to drink :) Damn, I'll have to find another way ... kidding!

I also have a Sally

Yesterday was pretty good, as Wednesday's go. Had drinks after work with my good friend Sal and then headed off to Sakura (again, no web prescence - what is with these people) for all you can eat Sushi - yay!

So on that note, I like to publicly apologise to my amazing friend Sal for me implying in an earlier post that she did not play a role in ensuring I kept my sanity firmly in my possesion during the last few months of this chaos called my life. She kindly provided me with a place to stay when I needed it most (I hope you're using that egg-pricker!) and ensured there was always someone to listen when I needed to cry.

I'd also like to thank her for being one of the best kinds of friend you can have, the kind who is brave enough to tell you when you upset them. I didn't forget her, but while my life has been in a constant state of flux, she has been very busy lately renovating & decorating a lovely home for herself and her man. No excuses tho. Sorry Sal :) Was fabulous to see you last night and we'll do it again soon!

Which brings me to the whole "friends" thing. This is a vent I've been holding off on for a while. But, I'm not in exactly the right mood to do it now ... so perhaps I'll wait. Or maybe I won't.

Nah, I tried to let it all spill out onto the page, but it's not working right now. Will hold onto it until I can't any longer ... and then you're in trouble!

But, on a lighter note, to match my mood this morning :) Here's a weird new product on the market, BreathCapture. The world is certainly getting more & more peculiar! My fav quote about this product (from Gizmodo) was: and you can even make it into a cross shape to combine your spirituality with your lousy judgement in sentimentality. Pahahahaha. Anyway, it's a little Angelina Jolie for me!

ps. For those of you who don't quite understand the header for today's post ... The Peeb will and here's why :)

Winterbells

Wheeee. I found (technically I was forwarded - pah, semantics) a fun little flash web-game to keep myself busy while I work thru the holiday season. It's called Winterbells and you are a little white fluffy bunny that has to bounce up bells that are falling thru the sky. Now is that Christmas-ey or what? Play it.

My High Score : 110 340 320
But I just can't beat The Brad's whopping 5 711 808 500 :( He is surely the Bunny Master!

One Week Later

Had a quiet night last night. Spent it at home with Loulou watching the usual Tuesday night TV: CSI & In Justice. Neither were particularly good this week. CSI really used to be my all time favourite program on, but it has deteriorated significantly in my opinion. Oh well, still gotta watch in case they have a shiny moment of brilliance ;)

Oh, while Mom & Dad were up and we spent so much of our time lazing next to the pool reading, I finished Jodi Picoult's Keeping Faith.

When seven-year-old Faith White and her mother, Mariah, swing by the house on the way to ballet class, they find that Daddy is home and he's brought a playmate. This is not the first time he's been caught cheating. After the fuss and feathers have settled and Dad has moved out, Faith begins talking to an imaginary friend who, it seems, is God. And God is not male but female. Faith is able to effect miraculous cures and is also occasionally afflicted with stigmata. When the media gets wind of this, the circus begins. The local rabbi takes an interest (Faith and Mariah are technically Jewish), and the local Catholic priest pays several inquiring visits. There is also a gaggle of psychologists. Throw in a professional atheist for the romance angle and a vicious custody fight with an egomaniacal lawyer, and you have a riveting read. Picoult gets better and better with each book. If you can suspend disbelief on one or two points, this is an entrancing novel.

I really enjoyed this one, especially since I didn't have many expectations of it. I didn't enjoy her book The Pact at all and she has definitely become the season's 'it' writer - which puts me off instantly. But I did enjoy this one. The conclusion isn't earth shattering and she doesn't even bother to explain what is really going on, but that wasn't necessary and I'll forgive it ;) Besides, I'm sure if she did try the book would become ridiculous - kinda like when you get to see the aliens at the end of M. Night Shyamalan's Signs and it just becomes completely silly because they don't look scary at all, in fact they were rather comical. Sometimes it's best to leave things to people's imaginations ... the trick is knowing when.

> Follow Jodi Picoult on Twitter

Other than that, I was thinking about Bean again last night. Loulou was eating a mango after dinner, it reminded me of him. And I began to think of some of the other little him-things. Don't misunderstand, I still don't think I've made the wrong decision. It's just that I think some of my emotions have been in hiding, since I've kept myself very busy in the past week - wow, it's a week today. I am looking forward to spending this long weekend alone, I think it will be good. Time when I can't hide from myself. And then, I guess I'd better make a concerted effort not to spend all that time reading my book, escapism at it's best ;)

Hmmm, still many things to ponder. I guess now it's about finding closure & making it stick. Sometimes you think you've found it and you're there ... until something else happens. I'm pretty sure there'll be moments like that this weekend & next week as I move the rest of my things out of his place and next year when we have to find a way to deal with the flat we own together. Damn, the practical stuff makes it harder. Who keeps the fish?

The Weekend with Mom & Dad

I had a good weekend :) Friday night Loulou & I stayed home and watched dvds with great Indian take-out from Ghazal's. The movies weren't earth-shattering, nice light entertainment to switch your brain off to ;) American Dreamz with Hugh Grant and another fairly dark one with Demi Moore called Half Light.

Saturday I woke up calm and more at peace than I've been in a while. I went thru all my photos to see if I would be devastated seeing and remembering Bean. I wasn't. I felt guilty but I think subconsciously I began to test myself after that.

I collected Mom & Dad at the airport round 1:30 and had a relaxing afternoon showing them where I now lived (with Loulou) and checking them into their B&B, Craighall House - nice place. Then I took them to Melville for dinner :) We wandered 7th Street and had the obligatory dawa at Xai Xai - had to give them the true Melville experience! Then we headed to Soulsa, which is fast becoming one of my all-time fav Jhb restaurants. And here was my first internal test. The last time I was at Soulsa was a particularly memorable one for Bean & I back in August, hmmm. But I was fine. I enjoyed the memory, but it didn't cause me to break down. It was more of a quiet reflection, an enjoyed memory in a way that usually only comes ages after breaking up with someone. I'm thinking that I must've been processing all this emotion & working thru it for quite some time already. And I know I was crushed last Wednesday, but mostly that was because I knew I was hurting someone I loved. Anyway, it made me feel more strongly that I really had done the right thing. Anyway, dinner at Soulsa was brilliant! Eat there.

Sunday I met the folks at their B&B for breakfast and we went out shopping for a bit & then, again, spent the afternoon relaxing. Although I did pop out to meet some friends for a drink that afternoon. For dinner we hit Greenside and were sorely disappointed by Jhb in the Xmas season. Just about everything was closed - although some of that may have been just because, it was a Sunday evening. We ended up enjoying kilos of King prawns at the new Adega there.

On Monday, I took them out to Pretoria Zoo for the day, which was brilliant - it is so much better than the Jhb one! And it was another test for me. The last time I'd been (the only time) had been with Bean. And I was fine, again. I just found myself wanting to be able to tell him he should go and see how the little koala has grown up since we last saw him in his first week out of his mum's pouch. I think I just have that strong deep love for Bean that means I wish him the best and want him to be happy, but I'm sure in the knowledge that it won't be with me. And that's okay. It's weird, this peaceful place. Especially after so long spent fighting it. Sorry, Bean.

Anyway, we also got to see the bear's swimming & teasing frogs on such a hot day, fun :) Then it was a mad rush thru traffic to get them to the airport for their flight home. I don't understand people! Yes, there had been a huge accident on the N1 South but the lanes were all clear ... and still the cars in front slowed down to an almost to a complete stop, just to see what had happened - a cooldrink truck went over the railing, riveting viewing apparently.

But, I don't know why we ever rush to the airport. If Mom & Dad are flying back to CT, the flight won't be leaving on time ... and good old British Airways didn't disappoint yesterday. Anyway, they did make it home.

The Peeb & her man are off to USA today for 3 weeks - to meet the in-laws ;) Have a fantastic holiday & don't forget to bring home my spanking new iPod ;)

And that was my weekend. Last week seems like a lifetime ago!

Feeling Fragile

This morning I'm a little fragile. Not emotionally, I'm still mostly just numb about all that stuff. I'm pretty sure when it kicks in and I realise what's happened is for real, it's going to be dreadful tho. And I do get pangs of that every so often, but I'm trying to ignore that right now. Never before have I so enjoyed the distraction of work!

So this morning I'm a little fragile because we had a work function yesterday. And being on the People Forum (it's like SRC at work) I was involved. It was basically a final send-off of 2006 just for our department at our manager's house. It had a Greek theme with lamb on a spit and we'd organised Greek plates to break when we had our mini Awards ceremony for all the silly things people have done thruout the year. It was good fun. It started at 12:30 and I was one of the last to leave at 10 that evening (sorry Loulou for missing the sushi!). Somehow by the end of the evening, everyone who was still there ended up in the swimming pool, fully clothed! And then, since the water was pretty chilly, we moved the party into the jacuzzi. Got to play a few games of pool too - haven't done that in ages, Bean hated pool. And I wasn't completely terrible, although out of practice. Admittedly I lost both one-on-one games, but only by 1 ball. Good fun was had by all :)

Anyway, I drank far more than I should've and ate too little ... but hey, I had a good reason. I'm sure Bean did the same last night as well, since I know he also had a work function and well, he's prone to that at those sorts of things. I hope someone was looking after him.

Before I go I'd like to congratulate my folks on reaching their 27th wedding anniversary today - wow! Good thing I phoned mom & reminded her ;) they're not very good with that sort of thing. And to my friend Bug-E: Happy Birthday, I hope it's a good one.

Oh, I nearly forgot to mention that my folks are coming up to Jhb for a few days, they arrive tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to that, especially with all that's going on in my life emotionally (no one can look after you quite like your mommy!) and the fact that I won't be with them over Christmas either. So, I'm taking Monday off to spend with them and I'll be back & blogging on Tuesday. Till then ...

The End.

I'm a mess this morning. I'm shattered, deeply sad, teary-eyed, numb, hollow, wounded. And it's my fault.

Bean & I broke up last night. If you've been around us in the last few months, you'll know that this has been going back and forth for a while now (oh, and we'd been dating for about 2 & half years). And I couldn't do it any more. I love him, I truly do. And I do know he loved me deeply. Somehow I just still couldn't make it work. There was something missing.

And that is terrible. We were supposed to work. We, on paper, were perfect. We liked doing all the same things, we lived together easily (well, for the 2 years before I moved out in September) and we didn't fight much. We were really good friends. And unfortunately although that is a serious requirement for a relationship, it's not enough. He was my family and my everything for so long, and the entire time I've been up in Jhb. And now he's gone, irrecoverably - we broke up for a month in Sept so, this time there's no going back this time. I am single again, how peculiar. I really never thought I would be. And when I realised that, well, it's scary.

And I really wanted things to work, I've been trying hard. Finding all sorts of excuses for why I was feeling like this ... but nothing he or I could do or fix or change could take it away. And it's sad. We were in a strange grey area where I felt like I was treading water, waiting for things to work the way they used to and going thru the motions in the hopes that would get me there.

Tears are spilling on my keyboard.

And I'm still not sure I've done the right thing. I have to hold onto the fact that this has been swirling in my head for a while now and being around him hasn't changed that. The weekend away was supposed to move things forward, but it didn't. I couldn't figure out where forward was for us anymore. And even tho in my head there is still this ideal imaginary version of us that I wish for and so wanted to believe in, that isn't really us.

I wrote a letter to someone who I know will never read it here and I'll never send the letter to her either, it was more for me than her anyway - because I know the truth and that is what matters, I hope. It's hard to be judged and let it go, believing in your own truth. But here it is:

You don't know or understand the situation. Please don't presume you would've handled things differently in my shoes. As they say, hindsight is 20/20 and thinking you know the best thing to do is far simpler when you are on the outside looking in and not personally involved in those decisions.

I never cheated on him.

And thru it all, I can count on one finger the number of friends who listened to the harrowing experience I was going thru, didn't judge me and were looking out for my best interests.

Thanks JC for being that friend :) And for listening to me cry last night. While our lives are polar opposites right now (he's just fallen madly in love - yay!), I know you will still find time for me and be the voice of reason I need, until I can be that for myself again.

So, what else is there really to say. I had to hurt & wound the person I loved last night and it was hard and horrible! And he hates me and never wants to see me or speak to me again. I understand, but it still hurts like hell.

And I will miss him, so many things about him. I'll miss sending him articles he never has time to read. I'll miss his perfect bum - honestly it is ;) I'll miss curling into his arm when I sleep. I'll miss how on a game drive he always knew what bird or buck that was. I'll miss his mexican mince. I'll miss just being around him. I'll miss his smell. I'll miss the way his lips move as he reads :) But that's not enough to stay, and for that I'm truly deeply sorry.

He was my longest relationship so far and at 26 I know society says I should be settling down and getting married and starting my family. And honestly that is what I was doing, what I wanted. But now it's not. If I live to be 80, like most of my grandparents, that's the next 54 years with someone. How the hell can I be deciding that ? I've only been alive for half that time, and I don't even remember the first few years! I've only dated someone for 2 & half years, that is a mere percentage of a lifetime. It's like deciding your career the moment you finish matric - how the hell should you know for sure? Apparently you never know for sure, but I'm not ready to take that chance yet. And I can't stay with Bean in case that's what I want again in a year or two, how do I survive that for a just-in-case. I certainly don't want to be one of those people who stay in a relationship well past it's sell-by-date and look back and say "why didn't I leave long ago ?"

How did I get here ? Well obviously I know the real and practical answer to that ... but somehow my head still asks the question!

So, Bean: Goodbye my love. I hope one day you won't hate me for doing what I believed was right for us both. And know that I truly believe if we are meant to be together, one day we will when I've grown and it's right. If not, then thank-you for all the things I learnt from you & all the fun we had.

Early Today

Well, I'm at work particularly early this morning - all the more time for blogging ;) I couldn't sleep last night ... I think I eventually nodded off round 3am or thereabouts. I was crazy enough to get up and put on a load of laundry at midnight tho ... better than lying in the dark with my thoughts on over-drive! and then I was promptly woken at six ... by nothing?!? so I tried to get back to sleep, but gave up round 6:30 and proceeded to hang out said laundry. It was such a poor load I'd even put in clean clothes that just looked like they might need an iron (the maid comes tomorrow, so better to be prepared, since I DO NOT iron) Anyway, this isn't that earth-shattering since i usually rise to the voice-clock alarm on my cellphone at around 7 anyway. But, it finds me at work particularly early this morning.

Not much excitement last night, it was a quiet, relaxing one full of TV-watching. CSI has been a disappointment lately, since I started watching again ... I dunno, maybe it's been going too long and they've lost their edge? Anyway, that was okay. Then I stuck around for my second episode of In Justice. What is with TV this week ? I am too afraid of watching tonight - although luckily I'm saved since there's not much on a Wednesday, anyway. But, honestly ... aren't these supposed to be happy-ending shows ?? Hello, why do you think I'm watching ? I was shattered by the end of it. It was as exhausting as Grey's on Monday night.

Aside from my very exciting TV schedule lately :P I finished Sandra Brown's Chill Factor while I was away this weekend.

Lust, jealousy and murder suffuse Brown's crisp thriller (after White Hot), set in the snowbound mountains of North Carolina. Lilly and Dutch Burton's marriage didn't withstand the loss of their three-year-old daughter, despite their attempt at a fresh start with the purchase of a vacation cabin in bucolic Cleary, N.C., where the novel opens on the divorced couple discussing its sale. Dutch is now Cleary's chief of police, and Lilly is a magazine editor in Atlanta. As she races back to the city to beat a blizzard, her car skids out, striking a hiker emerging from the woods. Turns out he's a man she knows: handsome freelance writer Ben Tierney, whom she met and flirted with the summer before. With no choice but to wait out the storm in the cabin with Ben, who is injured, Lilly calls Dutch, but he can't reach her via the now impassable mountain road. Meanwhile, Cleary is haunted by the case of five missing women - all now feared dead. With Lilly still stranded, Dutch goes ballistic when the FBI arrives in town with evidence that Tierney is the serial killer.

I quite enjoyed it. I didn't guess whodunnit till just before she let you in on the secret, which I particularly enjoy since it is rare. But, it was mostly just a light read for me, so I think I was clearly under-estimating the possibility that it wasn't just going to be the most obvious person. A little bit of romance, a little bit of crazy and of course a murder mystery thrown in the mix.

Anyway, that's about as interesting as it gets on a Wednesday morning :) Have a fabulous day!

Back from a Good Break

So, I'm back & refreshed ... well, I was until I sorted thru my unread emails and played catch-up with what's been happening at work since last Wednesday, now I'd happily take another few days off!

Righto, on with what I've been up to. Wednesday eve was so long ago I can barely remember, but I think Bean & I had a quiet one watching an episode or two of Prison Break.

Thursday was a bit of a late start, you've gotta take an non-alarm wake-up where you can get it and since we'll be in B&Bs for the next couple of days and for some reason they all seem to serve breakfast before 10am and I don't like to go down to breakfast in my unpresentable, just-emerged morning state, there won't be much chance. So we set off around 10:30 and drove thru to Ballito.

We checked into our Ballito B&B, Casa del Mar. It's a sort of interesting set up where Dot (the owner) lives in the house herself. So it's kinda like staying with some distant relatives, but you're paying and they make you breakfast. It turned out to be a nice place tho and I liked the sea views from our room. Although in typical me-visiting-Natal style, the Weatherman made sure it was overcast and drizzly the entire time he knew I was in the province!

That evening, Bean & I enjoyed a drink at a beach-side local spot called Hops and then went on to dinner at the Galley. It was okay, nothing earth-shattering.

On Friday before the wedding, we went and browsed the new Mr Price Sport that had just opened. It seems fun if you're into sporting goods and I can't speak for the quality of their goods, but the prices seemed fairly reasonable. Plus, I liked the store design & whatnot. Then we went and lazed on the beach for a bit. Never before have I felt like such a true Joburger, me in a bikini lying on the sand hoping for a few rays of sunshine to glint thru the thick cloud cover. Hell, tihs was my December (that should mean Summer!) beach holiday, I was at the coast and dammit, I was going to enjoy the beach and everything that comes with it, sun, sand & surf ;) So much for that, eventually after I decided getting in the water wasn't going to happen due to the wind and it's wind chill factor, we packed up and headed off for some lunch.

Dot had mentioned this little coffee shop so we thought, why not. It turned out to be a highlight of my trip :) The Waterberry is a restaurant/coffee spot at the bottom of Leonora Drive in Ballito and is fabulous (why do these people not have a web-presence? How annoying!). The food was good, the portions were the right size and they have a jungle for you to walk thru after - I love a good jungle ;) A really brilliant lunch & I would recommend you all visit it when you're in the area!

Then we headed back to Casa del Mar to get ready and headed out to Braeside for the 3:30 ceremony. We'd been there before, in April for Bean's cousin's wedding. It is a lovely outdoor venue and it didn't disapoint (and they have a great koi pond, a must for me). The wedding was lovely, the bride looked radiant. A little too religious for me, but that's just personal preference. Oh, and we all learnt a lesser-known wedding truth: Don't pick hymns because you like what they say, pick them because they are well known and people will sing-along to them. The hymn-singing was dismal. But hey, that's just one small part. Anyway, an enjoyable evening was spent at the Burton family table and we were fairly well represented. Good fun catching up on all that family goss! Congrats to the happy couple, Lauren & Ross :)

Saturday morning saw us checking out of Casa del Mar and heading up to St Lucia for the next lreg of our mini-break. We stayed at the Elephant Coast Guest House (poor logo!) and it was a winner choice. We had a lovely room with a wooden deck next to the pool (unused). But, more importantly, they border a stretch of empty land that gave us the perfect opportunity to watch a large porcupine eating fruit on both evenings. So, we had an afternoon to kill before our Turtle tour at 9pm. We decided to head up to Cape Vidal. Was a good drive and we were lucky enough to watch quite a few wild animals along the way. Cape Vidal offered up a similar "I am clearly now a Joburger" beach experience, this time I did brave the waves & rough current tho. But, alas no sun for me. In fact the clouds that were brewing would spell disaster for our tour later that night. We enjoyed dinner at The Greek Sizzler. Please note when visiting St Lucia, that all restaurants serve the exact same menu options. But, I had prawns so I was happy :) And then it started to rain, with all the bells & whistles, thunder & lightning that a storm has to offer. This did not bode well for our tour.

I'll tell you now, upfront, that we did not get to see any turtles. It was a disappointment :( and the worst part is, R500 would've been a fine expense, if we'd seen them ... but the most exciting thing we saw in the wild was a little bush-baby (admitedly, fairly exciting). Right, SA Park Board and whoever else, listen up: you should seriously be considering the whole concept of special rates for the locals. In pounds or dollars R500 to not see turtles doesn't seem too bad, but to me & my hard earned SA Rand, I wanted to see those turtles at that expense. And the problem arrives in that it is simply just too expensive to try again the following night. Because I'm certainly not shelling out a Grand to not see turtles - the weather did not improve and we kept telling ourselves it would've been a waste. But secretly you just think what if tonight they find them? Blegh, annoying. But, although frozen and damp, we had a lovely 1am stroll along an untouched stretch of coast. Pretty unreal! I felt a bit like a penguin in my borrowed poncho, but as a group we looked like some weird druid-ish clan. Pretty funny at that time of night, I'll tell you. Oh, and freezing! I think everyone nodded off on the drive back.

So we did have a non-alarm morning after all. Well, getting in at 3:30am, I certainly wasn't going to bother trying to make the 10am breakfast cut-off. I was certain lunch would be a far more viable option, anyway. We did eventually emerge on Sunday morning and even had a late breakfast thanks to the B&B - they must be used to the folks who've been out turtle-touring late into the night! And then we went to see if we could find a hippo or two in the estuary. Yep, one and her calf ... but she wasn't doing anything particularly interesting (twirling an umbrella?) so we decided to go on one of st. Lucia's walking trails. It was lovely, a jungle in the mist. Truly relaxing. I kept expecting to see a fairy in the tangle of trees :) After a hot choc & shared waffle at the local Wimpy, we decided to brave the doom & gloom weather once more & try another trail. Well, we were lucky I'm such a fabulous navigator because the trail was erratic at best and more often than not cluttered with debris of fallen branches and signs of unuse! Well, we didn't get lost - thank goodness - and arrived back at the car unscathed. And other than spotting some wild buck along the way and a crab here or there, it wasn't too eventful. And sometimes uneventful is what you need, no one needs to find themselves face to face with and angry wild animal when they are alone & no one knows where they are! Agreed.

We lazed away the rest of the afternoon, feeling a little guilty for wasting our holiday time. But sometimes you just need some time to do nothing to really relax. We enjoyed a Platter for 2 at Ocean Basket for dinner that night - yay, more prawns for me :) and woke early on Monday morning to see if we could fit in a hippo & croc boat cruise before heading home. And you'll never guess, for the first time in days, the sun appeared. Bloody typical. We did get to go on one of the cruises that morning and it was worth it - I got to see a hippo yawning up close (well, closer than thru my TV!). It was very cool.

And then we drove home, for hours & hours & hours - thanks Bean for getting us there safely :) No time for belly-dancing, but I did make it in time for the Grey's Anatomy finale. OMG, could that have been a more hectic & wrenching episode ? I haven't been watching the show long but I'm hooked.

So, that was my looong weekend. I enjoyed it, except for the sheer lack of turtles :( And now, back to work after this marathon post!

So I woke up in a bit of a weird mood this morning. Nothing specific, just feeling a little detached at the moment. Shoulda taken an extra Omega ;) I guess that's why I'm listening to Snow Patrol today.

I was thinking, i never bothered to explain where the blog name & logo came from. They weren't a shining light of inspiration when I decided to start blogging again. They're a name & logo I came up with years ago (mid 2003 - early 2004, the name was easy but it took quite a while to come up with a logo I felt suited it). Originally it was supposed to be for a clothing company, and one day that still might work ... But in the mean time, I felt that some of my sheer logo brilliance was going to waste and I wanted to use it. The blog seemed like a perfectly appropriate place to show it off to the public. So it's copyrighted to me, obviously.

Oh, on the weekend I finished reading Ben Elton's Past Mortem.

With old friends like these, who needs enemies? It's a question short, mild mannered detective Edward Newson is forced to ask himself having in romantic desperation logged on to the Friends Reunited website searching for the girlfriends of his youth. Newson is not the only member of the Class of '86 who has been raking over the ashes of the past. As his old class begins to reassemble in cyberspace, the years slip away and old feuds and passions burn hot once more. Meanwhile, back in the present, Newson's life is no less complicated. He is secretly in love with Natasha, his lovely but very attached sergeant, while comprehensively failing to solve a series of baffling and peculiarly gruesome murders. A school reunion is planned and as history begins to repeat itself, the past crashes headlong into the present. Neither will ever be the same again. In Past Mortem, Ben Elton - previous winner of The Crime Writers' Association Gold Dagger Award for Popcorn - delivers both a heart-stopping thriller and a killer comic romance.

I read some bad reviews on Amazon about it, but I quite enjoyed it. True, it had some hectic bits and true, I managed to predict whodunnit well in advance. Although he did occasionally make me wonder if I'd guessed correctly as I read but, I did. It was a fairly quick, easy read. I still liked it. Admittedly my fav book of his so far is High Society.

I think the best book I've read this year was definitely a "surprise entry". It arrived at our book club and didn't sound any more or less impressive than any other book. But once I started reading it, I was hooked. It is a definite can't-put-down book and is brilliantly written. It is also one of the most frightening things I've read - and books don't scare me. It was We Need To Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. Quick warning, it may put you off kids for a bit ... which at this point in my life doesn't bother me one bit.

A number of fictional attempts have been made to portray what might lead a teenager to kill a number of schoolmates or teachers, Columbine style, but Shriver's is the most triumphantly accomplished by far. A gifted journalist as well as the author of seven novels, she brings to her story a keen understanding of the intricacies of marital and parental relationships as well as a narrative pace that is both compelling and thoughtful. Eva Khatchadourian is a smart, skeptical New Yorker whose impulsive marriage to Franklin, a much more conventional person, bears fruit, to her surprise and confessed disquiet, in baby Kevin. From the start Eva is ambivalent about him, never sure if she really wanted a child, and he is balefully hostile toward her; only good-old-boy Franklin, hoping for the best, manages to overlook his son's faults as he grows older, a largely silent, cynical, often malevolent child. The later birth of a sister who is his opposite in every way, deeply affectionate and fragile, does nothing to help, and Eva always suspects his role in an accident that befalls little Celia. The narrative, which leads with quickening and horrifying inevitability to the moment when Kevin massacres seven of his schoolmates and a teacher at his upstate New York high school, is told as a series of letters from Eva to an apparently estranged Franklin, after Kevin has been put in a prison for juvenile offenders. This seems a gimmicky way to tell the story, but is in fact surprisingly effective in its picture of an affectionate couple who are poles apart, and enables Shriver to pull off a huge and crushing shock far into her tale. It's a harrowing, psychologically astute, sometimes even darkly humorous novel, with a clear-eyed, hard-won ending and a tough-minded sense of the difficult, often painful human enterprise.

So, that's enough for now. Didn't get up to anything too exciting last night. Was supposed to meet up with a good friend from Durbs (SB of pub-golf fame) but, he's up on work and had to hang out with work people. Boring. Oh well, I did get to see him last time he was up which was only a few weeks ago so we are pretty well caught-up for now. And Bean had dinner with his dad who also happened to be up on business. No plans for this evening yet, but looking forward to Tuesday being my next work-day :) So it should be a good weekend!

Shameless Plug

Hi there. So I heard on the radio yesterday that Robbie Williams started this competition to invite filmmakers to submit original short films using his song "The 80s" off his new cd, RudeBox. And representing South Africa is a name very familiar to me :) Bevan Cullinan. When I was a wee little std 6 (that's grade 8 for the rest of you), he was our head-boy (can you believe ?) So Bevan went onto Rhodes and became quite the comedian. I've seen a number of his shows and enjoy his physical comedy. Although I'm not sure if I just go to watch because despite his bizarre sense of style, I've thought he was fab since i was 12.
And now, after seeing him briefly in Sandton City 2 weeks ago for the first time in years, he's in the news. So, I figured I'd put out a plug for his video (which also apparently features a certain third cousin of mine, James Cairns !), it needs your vote.

Vote for Like a Hooligan on Shooting People - you'll have to register.

Otherwise nothing much exciting life-wise to report back today. Had a marathon 2 hour class of belly dancing last night and watched Greys Anatomy - oh the exciting life I lead ;)

Weekend Catch-up

Righto, so it's Monday morning and I best fill you in on the weekend's antics:

On Friday evening we did head over to Wanderers Stadium and enjoy an evening of Pro20 cricket ... a little drizzle, but in a fun rainy sort of way (not a drenched & soaking unpleasant sort of way, thanks goodness!) Unfortunately, SA lost. Oh well. But, we did get to be on TV very briefly :) So it was a good evening all round aside from this 17-yr old harpie sitting behind us with an real South African accent that made you cringe every time she decided she was a better coach and cricketer. Awful. I always wonder if people are aware that they are the stereo-type ?

Saturday was fairly uneventful. Bean went off with some mates to enjoy the Gilroys brewery for the afternoon and I spent it lazing pool-side with my book, eating strawberries ;) Gotta work on my tan a little. That evening we watched Happy Feet.

A comedy adventure, Happy Feet is set deep in Antarctica. Into the land of the Emperor penguins, where each needs a Heartsong to attract a soul mate, a penguin is born who cannot sing. Our hero Mumble (voiced by Elijah Wood), son of Memphis (voiced by Hugh Jackman) and Norma Jean (voiced by Nicole Kidman), is the worst singer in the world... however, as it happens, he is a brilliant tap dancer!

It was quite cute - gotta love penguins! And nice to watch knowing a little more about the creatures after seeing "March of the Penguins" when it was showing. Especially impressive for an animated movie was they didn't even bother with animating the humans, when they eventually made an appearance. Thank goodness because that is usually where the animated shows deteriorate dramatically. My only really annoying thing thruout the movie was that the main character never seemed to grow up, I mean he was an especially late bloomer ... being the only penguin in the entire flock (?) with fluff instead of his grown-up feathers for the *entire* movie. It's probably because they all look fairly similar and you need to be able to spot him amongst the bunch, but still.

Sunday we had a fairly relaxed morning and emerged for a very late brunch at the new Gia's at Morningside Nursery. Nice setting with fairly good food. And Bean got some more plants for the garden. So he spent the rest of the day gardening while I finished my book and then we started on the Prison Break series. Only 2 episodes in, but I'm enjoying it so far. That evening we went to see Casino Royale. I know it seems like we've seen a lot of movies lately, but it follows a serious movie-watching drought, there's been rubbish on lately.

Daniel Craig stars as "007" James Bond, the smoothest, sexiest, most lethal agent on Her Majesty's Secret Service in Casino Royale. Based on the first Bond book written by Ian Fleming, the story, which has never been told on film until now, recounts the making of the world's greatest secret agent.
James Bond's first "007" mission leads him to Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen), banker to the world's terrorists. In order to stop him, and bring down the terrorist network, Bond must beat Le Chiffre in a high-stakes poker game at Casino Royale. Bond is initially annoyed when a beautiful British Treasury official, Vesper Lynd (Eva Green), is assigned to deliver his stake for the game and watch over the government's money. But, as Bond and Vesper survive a series of lethal attacks by Le Chiffre and his henchmen, a mutual attraction develops leading them both into further danger and events that will shape Bond's life forever.

So, initially I wasn't all that keen to see another Bond movie, I find the latest ones have really been a drag. And to top that off, I wasn't too impressed with their choice of leading man either. But I relented after making such a poor movie choice earlier in the week ... and was pleasantly surprised. I thoroughly enjoyed it. My favourite part of the movie was that since it was essentially supposed to be the first, where Bond has just become a double-O, he wasn't nearly so smooth or swauve. When he jumped unbelievable distances, he didn't always make it and certainly didn't always land upright with his suit uncrinkled. I liked it. Oh, and he wasn't really too bad as the leading man ;)

What I certainly didn't like was all the silly Under-18s in the cinema. Hello, why do these people even bother going to movies? All they seem to do is chat to their friends thruout the movie, chat on their cell phones (probably to their friend two seats down!) and get up, leave and return en masse. It is truly one of my most annoying things ever! Ever. I just want to yell at all of them: "If you want to talk during a movie, rent yourself a dvd and stay home". On the same topic, people who bring their toddlers along (my fav, to movies like War of the Worlds & The Ring 2 - hello ?). Just accept, you had a kid, you're renting dvds for the next 5 years of your life, at least! If your kid is a boy with a short attention span, factor in another few years to be safe. I wish cinemas would install little headphone-jacks into all their seats ... then if you want, you can bring along your very own non-communal earphones and watch the movie uninterrupted. Fabulous. SterKinekor & Numetro, I hope you're reading!

Well there, my morning rant out of the way, I can get on with life as usual.

Morning, morning

Right, well first off I'd like to say goodbye to a Great Friend (MTJAF) that I lost this week, Wednesday morning to be precise. He didn't die, don't worry. It's just sometimes you lose friends gradually over time and distance and sometimes there's a defining moment. This was a clear instance of the latter. So, I'm sorry to see you go, you will be missed and perhaps one day, in a parallel universe far, far away, things will be different :)

But in more exciting news, it is Friday. Which is fabulous. The weekend awaits, not that I have anything too terribly exciting planned. Bean is hoping we'll go to the Pro 20 cricket (SA vs. India) this eve, which I'm not adverse to doing ... it's just that they're expecting thunder showers, which aren't as pleasant during an outdoor cricket match as you might imagine!

Soo, back to work now that I've got my first blog of the day out of my system. But I will leave you with a site I found: Wallpaper-By-Numbers. Now this looks like a cool concept and probably great fun in a kid's bedroom (where you know they'll be drawing on the walls anyway - right Peeb). btw. Peeb is my little sis and her blog is available for perusal in the link list on your right. Anyway, back to cool wallpaper ... there have been many innovations in this previously considered boring (by me, anyway) bit of decorating accessory. Now however (if you believe the net) it is fun and funky and definitely style-ish. From type-faces to stickers to - damn, I can't find that last site anymore, annoying! anyway, you get the picture ;)

Hello World

Well, here it is >>> my first post on my brand spanking new blog-spot. So I'm not sure yet what i'll be writing about, but I'll try to keep it to stuff that means i don't have to go into hiding or change my name ;)

So, last day of November 2006. We're about to hit the last month and shortly everyone will be switching into holiday mode. I, however, will not be going home to Cape Town this year and will be working right thru the holiday season - apparently Jhb is blissfully empty round this time, so i am sort of looking forward to it. But, I have made a small concession to head off to Balito with my boyf (from here on: Bean) for my very dear 2nd cousin's (Ross, the Swazi chicken farmer) wedding and will be taking a few extra special days to head home via st Lucia where we hope to sneak a peek at the turtles laying their eggs on the beach.

Having read other blogs, I'm going to have to start thinking of nics for all the folk in my life ... interesting, will see how this goes as i post (see additions above).

So, what's news? I'm reading Ben Elton's Past Mortem at the moment, will let you know what I think when I'm done. No doubt I'll also catch you up on the other cool books I've read at the fabulous book club we started earlier this year.

Which reminds me, I am not one to walk out of a movie, ever. But I've never wished I had like last night. Bean& I went to watch Black Dahlia, it was excruciating. Very! It tried so hard to be clever, and probably would've if following the storyline was a little easier, and I'm good at following story-lines, very.

Inspired by the most notorious unsolved murder in California history. A tale of obsession, love, corruption, greed and depravity that revolves around a true story of the brutal murder of a fledgling Hollywood starlet that shocked and fascinated the nation in 1947 and remains unsolved today. Two ex-pugilist cops, Lee Blanchard and Bucky Bleichert, are called to investigate the homicide of ambitious silver-screen B-lister Betty Ann Short – A.K.A. "The Black Dahlia" – an attack so grisly that images of the killing were kept from the public. While Blanchard's growing preoccupation with the sensational murder threatens his marriage to Kay, his partner, Bleichert, finds himself attracted to the enigmatic Madeleine Linscott, the daughter of one of the city's most prominent families – who just happens to have an unsavory connection to the murder victim.

See, it had potential. But still, give it a skip.

But, that's all I have time for at the moment, have to rush home & then to Bean's for a work cocktail party thing this eve.

Historical Egypt

This is a retrospective post since the events all occurred well before I was blogging :) It was written on 14 May 2008.

Bean & I didn't really choose Egypt as our next holiday destination, it chose us. Only a few month after we got back from Singapore & Thailand, a very good friend of Bean's and his wife announced (Dolce & Gabbana) they were going and who wanted to join them?

Egypt has always been very high on my list of destinations I want to visit, because of my fascination with all things ancient Egyptian. I was dead keen, but a little poor having not yet managed to save up much after our last trip. Thankfully, the Receiver came to my rescue with a windfall payout in January and we booked our trip for June, the King Ramses Tour with On The Go.


Little did we know that by the time we went our relationship would be on a downward spiral and not survive the next 6 months on our return. But to be fair, we did have a fantastic time in Egypt and remembering that time together was part of what made our break-up decision so hard for me.
We left Joburg on the 15 June 2006 and had a lengthy stop-over at Jomo Kenyatta Airport in Nairobi, Kenya but arrived safely, as scheduled, in humid Cairo. We managed to see the pyramids from the air as we flew in. It was unbelievable!

16Jun06 - 17Jun06: Cairo
We arrived a day before the tour started in Cairo and spent the first day visiting the Egyptian Museum. I absolutely loved it :) It was fascinating. The oddest part for me was walking into the Mummy Room and the first mummy I saw was the one discussed in a book I'd just finished reading, The Hiram Key. And in the evening we had our first official look at pyramids up close.

The next day our tour officially started and for Dolce & Gabbana to arrive. We spent the day wandering Cairo, trying to navigate it's crazy traffic ... and I thought Joburg was bad? That's a view of the Nile River on the left.

That evening, the entire tour group went on a Nile Dinner Cruise on the Nile Crystal. It was great watching the sun set over the Nile as we floated by. We got entertained by a belly dancer and a Whirling Dervish (photo on right).

While in Cairo we stayed at the Zayed Hotel.

18Jun06: Cairo to Aswan
Today we hit the Pyramids proper. They were incredible but I will say here that aside from being the only surviving wonder of the world, when compared with some of the other amazing temples and historical sites, they were not nearly as impressive. Except maybe in size, but me I'm a sucker for creativity ;)

After visiting the Giza Pyramids, we took a camel ride (not especially comfortable!) and saw the Sphinx, which is much smaller than you realise ... this comment is probably only valid when taken in light of the size of the pyramids tho ;)
And then we headed South to Saqqara to see the Step Pyramid (apparently one of the first built) before hopping on an over night train to Aswan. Egyptian Overnight Trains are no where near as impressive as the ones in Thailand!
19Jun06: Aswan
Today we arrived in Aswan and took a ferry to our island hotel, Isis Island. And in the afternoon, we took a bit of a boat ride along the Nile and visited Philae Temple which I thought was amazing (my first hieroglyphics outside of the museum!). We went to the Aswan High Dam - not that interesting, really. And then we went for a wander around some of the markets in Aswan.

In the evening we were lucky enough to attend a Nubian Wedding. Not a normal aspect of the tour, but one of the On The Go Tour Guide's family member's was getting married in Aswan while we were there and it's considered very auspicious to have foreigners at your wedding reception, so we all got invited. It was quite a different experience, the bride & groom sat way up on a stage but, after the traditional bit (a guy running around in a gorilla suit?) they started dancing with everyone.

20Jun06 - 21Jun06: Nile Cruise
On the morning of the 20th, a few of us (it was an optional extra when booking the tour) took a flight even further South to Abu Simbel. It was the hottest day I've experienced in my life, must've been close to 50 degrees C (well, that's what I heard from other people there)! But despite the heat, Abu Simbel was fascinating and absolutely well worth the extra pennies! There is some interesting history behind this monument being moved in the 1960s and how they (in this technological day and age) still couldn't quite get the alignment right. Oooh, I feel a conspiracy burning :)

Later that afternoon, we moved from our hotel to our felucca. We'd be spending the next 2 nights cruising down the Nile :) It was a lovely experience ... we swam in the Nile and enjoyed beautiful sunsets. The first evening was spent at a Nubian house smoking shisha and watching Nubian dancing (although we slept on the felucca).
If anyone every has the option to do a felucca cruise or do a 5star Nile cruise, my money would be on the felucca ... as long as you don't mind no loos ;) It's a truly relaxing beautiful way to see the Nile with no frills attached (my kinda fun, but not everyone's!)

22Jun06: Kom Ombo to Luxor
We ended our Nile Felucca Cruise in Kom Ombo and visited the Temple of Kom Ombo, which had some awesome hieroglyphics. The have a version of a hieroglyphic calendar (awesome!) and also wells used to monitor the rise and fall of the nearby Nile. Note: Those aren't the calendar hieroglyphics in the photo, but they are from Kom Ombo Temple ... couldn't have a whole post on Egypt without a single hieroglyph ;)

After that we stopped at Edfu to see the Temple of Edfu, I didn't think it was that great but, by this stage we were fairly templed-out (Not a good sign with Luxor coming up next!)

And then we drove on to Luxor. That evening, we visited the incredible Luxor Temple. It is an amazing temple, with it's avenue of sphinxes, giant pillars that even two of us together couldn't get our arms around, it's famous carving of Min (the Egyptian Fertility God) and the high-up mosque, built when the Temple was still buried under the sand. It was so beautiful to see it lit up at night :)

23Jun06: Luxor
We spent most of the day on the West Bank and visited The Valley of the Kings, The Valley of the Queens and The Mortuary Temple of Hatshepsut as well as an alabaster workshop (shown in the photo) while there.
The Valley of the Kings was absolutely amazing ... although you don't get to take any photos :( The colour of the hieroglyphics has been preserved so well and it's just awe-inspiring to walk thru the tombs.
Hatshepsut's Temple was also amazing and absolutely massive ... far more impressive from afar than either the Valley of the Kings (seen in the photo on your left ... such a dull exterior!) or Queens!

After seeing all there was to see on the West Bank we returned to the East Bank (in the searing heat of mid day!) to visit Karnak Temple. By now we really were templed out and this one just didn't seem as incredible as Luxor Temple had last night (might've been a touch of heat exhaustion!), although I did really like the Avenue of ram-headed sphinxes.

After that, D&G left us and headed back to Cairo with the shorter King Tutankhamen Tour ... we stayed on and were looking forward to some well deserved time at the sea-side in Dahab :)

24Jun06 - 27Jun06: Dahab
I'll tell you now, the drive from Luxor to Dahab is long! But so well worth it :) I'll admit right here that Bean and I dived and dined the days away ;) We were also marevelously lucky to be traveling during the Soccer World Cup (meh, I still can't believe made me spend my evenings watching this on a giant screen in a Dahabian restaurant!) and a mere 2 months after the bombings - which meant that the place was practically deserted! It was 3 days of pure bliss!

The part of Dahab that counts is pretty much just the main stretch along the coast (as per the photo) and this is lined with restaurants and tourist shops. We dived at The Lighthouse and even did a day-trip to The Blue Hole which was awesome ... I got to do a deep dive and drift dive (from Bells to the Blue Hole) as part of my advanced course. We also did a night dive which was very cool! The diving couldn't have been better because for most of the time, there was just the DM (Dive Master), Bean and myself ... perfect! And all the dives had shore entries (equally awesome for my sea-sickness!)

28Jun06: Dahab to Cairo
And then sadly our trip was winding down. We spent a day driving back from the blissful beach to Cairo. The most hysterical part of this trip (and I'm sure all the rest of you from South Africa will agree!) was having a toilet stop and gawking at their idea of a "Ladies" sign ... yes, our very own bokkie-from-Benoni, Charlize. I just had to stand laughing for a moment and then take a photo. My fellow travelers thought I was nuts!

We went to the Pyramid Sound & Light Show back in Cairo in the evening. It was pretty cool and started hysterically with some "pharaoh" bag-pipers (try even picturing that one! Pahahahahaha).
29Jun06: Cairo
Our last day in Cairo was spent at a local market and a second trip to the Egyptian Museum.

30Jun06: Nairobi, Kenya
Sadly we had an extra day of holiday ... instead of arriving home today, we spent it at the Hilton Hotel in Nairobi after our flight was delayed in Sudan (the people boarding the plane seemed to think that their 8 items of normal luggage should somehow fit in an already full overhead compartment ... hello?) and our connecting flight to Joburg left without us.

We ended up arriving back in Joburg on the morning of Saturday 1 July, barely in time for a friend's wedding. I ended up sick as a dog with a 7 day stomach virus that left me barely eating soup for a good few days. It was a poor end to a fantastic trip!