Shoo, It's Been Busy

So it was a good weekend :) Aside from all the mental aerobics I've been doing trying to figure out exactly what the hell is going on with Varen & I now.

Friday started out with Loulou and I getting all dolled up and then heading to Global Wrapp in Rivonia for a quick bite of dinner - and a fruit smoothie daiquiri. I still maintain that Global Wrapp is one of the best things about living in Jhb! And then it was off to Newscafe and my first ever visit to The Hat for Lord Wiggly's birthday celebrations.

Was a pretty fab evening. Bumped into The Queen of Melodrama and it was nice to catch up :) I must say it has been a while since I last ventured to a club venue, having been in a relationship for the vast majority of my time up here, and my first visit back reminded me of all the things I love and hate about it. It was fabulous to be able to get out there on the dancefloor and go wild but I don't like all the people pushing and shoving and getting bumped up by all the sweaty bodies. Plus it's not really the best environment for a good chat ... but I guess that's not really why you're there ;) The evening also took it's toll on my feet and Loulou and I stumbled out of there, barely able to stand any longer at an early 12:30am.

Had to be up early on Saturday to head to the post-office - I had a kalahari delivery to collect ;) And then it was off in search of the ideal gift for Lady (it was her bday on Friday). Eventually after hours of wandering in and out of the same couple of shops at Rosebank (and a brief bump into JofH & YogaCherryl), I settled on a crazy top from Big Blue that screamed Lady :)

Then I dashed off for some much needed sushi - it was the first time since my wisdom tooth removal I felt confident enough that I'd be able to open my mouth sufficiently to fit a whole California Roll into my mouth! And then I spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing (sleeping, actually). Woke up later and dashed off to Mythos for Lady's birthday dinner.

It's one of their fav restaurants, I think it's got a nice vibe but like most Greek restaurants ... only the meze is any good (much how I feel about Plaka in Illovo, the only other Greek restaurant I've ever frequented because Bean's folks loved it).

Then came Sunday. I planned a nice relaxing day ... only getting out of bed at about midday and then Loulou suggested sushi. I was surprisingly up for it a second day in a row - must be because it's been so long since I last had it ;) So off we went. Then I did some shopping and headed home to clean the fish tank before I fully intended going to the 4pm Yoga class. Uh-huh. Varen called and threw a spanner in the works. Although I ended up skipping Yoga cause the fish tank took too long to clean so I decided to take him up on his offer to enjoy sundowners at Moyo, Zoo Lake.

Although sundowners was actually hot-chocolate and filter coffee - it's freezing in Joburg these days! The afternoon and evening together were really nice. Which just leads to more complication. He seems very calm (and zen-like to use his term) about these recent developments and being back in each other's lives. Me, I'm a lot more muddled. It's hard because I feel like we need to make a concrete decision here. Either to stick with our space and go back to how things were a week ago or to try this again. I don't know which makes more sense. He seems happy to just go with the flow. My friends (and me, I guess) are all making me feel like I'm supposed to be the responsible one, the one who has to make the right decision before one of us gets hurt again (which obviously I don't want to happen, unless it's absolutely necessary). Why is the pressure not on him to be responsible and make the right decision?

Anyway, it's hard and I fluctuate wildly. When he's not around, it seems easy to decide that I should end it. I mean look where it got us last time. I'm still a mess, I'm improved, but I have a long way to go. And then, as soon as he is around, my resolve disappears and we have a lovely time and I wonder why I would consider giving this up? I am no closer to a decision after the weekend. If anything, I'm more confused. On paper we seem to work and we do have a lovely time when we're together - I realised how much we laugh together and tease each other about silly things no one else understands, it's crazy. But I still don't know if I'm ready to embark on a relationship yet ... as I said, I'm still a huge mess emotionally right now.

So there you have it. No closer to any sort of truth ... just more ingredients in the mix ;)