Interviewing For a Husband: The Story

So yesterday I had my delayed drinks with Interviewing for a Husband and the first thing I said was "Let's see the ring". Kind of a tacky way to start considering she followed it with an empty finger and an "It's gone".

Here is her story. I first met Interviewing For a Husband back when she was. I met her thru the same bunch I met Bean thru ... and she is now the only one left I speak to (aside from Bean over the occasional email about the house). A few months after I met her, she met this boy, let's call him CommitmentPhobia (although she didn't know so at the time). She and CommitmentPhobia were inseperable and blissfully happy for a month after they met before she had to jet off to New York for 3 months after her articles. The time is Nov / Dec 2003.

Off she went. And so he followed and met up with her for a 2 week holiday over Christmas and New Year. The blissful happiness continued. And soon her time in New York was up and she was headed on a 2 week road-trip around part of the States with some of her friends before heading back to SA and her lovely man. (Let me just point out here that before she met him, she wasn't planning a return trip to SA but, was instead going to head straight on to London). And here the story really begins. About 2 weeks before she's set to go road-tripping, he calls her up and says he's sorry, but he really doesn't think he wants to be serious and dating anyone right now. (This is a good time to tell you he's been divorced already).

So she's shattered, but comes back here as planned. They see each other occasionally, although he's seeing other girls too. But, he constantly calls her up to chat when he get's home in the evening and they still have this connection. So in order to aleviate her frustration, she arranges a 6month contract in Australia. About a month before she leaves, he get's his act together and they start dating again.

He loves her, he can't live without her, please come back to South Africa she hears while in Aus. So she cuts her contract short by 2 months and arranges to come back here. And again, literally about 2 weeks before she flys, he calls her up and says he doesn't want anything serious, doesn't want to be tied down and ends things (Round 2).

She comes back here, devastated again. And I'm not sure quite how it worked this time around, but they end up dating again, This time things seem to work out well and eventually they end up living together. Everything is going smoothly, although she's ready for him to pop the question and he just isn't ... yet.

On one of their holiday's, in New Zealand, they decide to get married. They even tried to do it there but due to marriage license laws, they couldn't. But when they got back, they bought the ring and booked a venue. Now all he had to do was propose officially.

It never happened, he bailed on her again (Round 3). This time she was fed up and even started seeing another guy while still seeing CommitmentPhobia. He still wanted her in his life, he just wasn't ready to get married (this was all around June/July this year ... the man is 40). Eventually he crumples and pleads with her to marry him, it's is what he wants. But now she's not convinced and it takes another few months but they officially get engaged and start planning their wedding.

Interviewing For a Husband sent out an email just last week Wednesday saying "keep this date free". And 12 hours later her wedding was off. The man has run from her again (Round 4). This is the last time. She realises she can't keep letting him do this to her ... and that he is never going to stop. She is shattered, but somehow calm. You can see that this time she knows it's for ever.

I feel terrible for my friend. She has spent the last 4 years with this guy, constantly around when he realises that she is in fact the one for him. Unfortunately when he realises what he lost this time, she won't be there any more. She'll be contemplating life as a single woman of 30. Which for her (and I'd have to admit me too) is a scary thing. As she says ... everyone she meets has just as many issues (if different) from CommitmentPhobia.

Anyway, lunch wasn't as happy an occasion as I was expecting, but it was much needed none the less. In the afternoon, the family all came round here for a braai and I finally got a chance to chat with Varen online. It was lovely to feel like I was hearing him in his words :) He loved the Zoo and sent me a few pics. He was supposed to go to SeaWorld today but they decided a day of rest was far more neccessary since they'll be diving the Great Barrier Reef in only 2 days :) So jealous. I got to chat to him this morning after I woke up (before he had dinner) again so that was a fabulous start to my day.

I was supposed to be seeing Jam for lunch, but she's not feeling well, so I guess I'll have to make some other plans now.