Too Much But Still Nothing To Say

Today I'm not in a happy mood. In fact last night I was composing my post in my head and it wasn't one I would be willing to actually publish. I still think I might do that, just to have a record of my actual feelings but not leave them out for public display. Not everything is for human consumption and as honest as I am on my blog, often there's a line between what goes on in a person's head privately and what they're willing to share with all and sundry out loud (as it were). So this is not going to be a particularly entertaining blog post. I'm just not in a social mood right now. I'm sure you all noticed just how my week's nights have been going, and last night was no different. But hey, I can only hope that my anti-social gymming might pay off. Bah, unlikely ... that's just typical in my life tho.

So ye, I'll probably be writing a bit more later if I actually get the chance. Work seems to think that I'm here all day to actually work ... I have *no* idea where they got that idea from, but it's seriously stifling my mood by not providing me with an outlet for what I'm feeling. And I believe that's a large part of why I've ended up feeling the way I do today ... although another half of me can't wait to dive right in and get cracking on things here, simply as another escape mechanism, like watching Series or reading my book (or going to gym). Sigh. Finger's crossed I feel better over the weekend. At very least I'll have to fake it for Saturday night because we've already made plans ... other than that I could happily hide away all weekend, although that probably will only serve to further entrench these feelings. No right answer, no easy solution ... but hey, isn't that practically the definition of life.

On that note, I remembered that I wanted to mention a post that I read yesterday that really struck a chord with me, it was written by Sweets and it was about depression. Not hers, mind you, but a friend of her's who went so far as to actually kill herself. It's funny cause her post was all about how she simply couldn't understand why her friend had done it but what I got out of it (finding it easier to relate to her friend than her), was that not everyone understands when things are wrong in your head but you just can't explain them. It was very interesting to hear things from a different point of view. Although the funny thing is I'd probably be the first person to tell someone to "suck it up" and get on with life ... but I don't often take my own advice. Sometimes the smallest thing can seem insurmountable.

So anyway, ye, that is pretty much what I hope my private post will be about. Summing up the small things that are whizzing around my head right now in the hopes of controlling them or at least beating them into submission with a little logic ;) But I've already shared more this morning than I was planning to ... hope y'all have a fabulous weekend.