Blue Funk

Oh yes, I am supposed to blog this morning ... often this is a fabulous task that I relish. Lately it's become a bit of a chore. It's not blogging per say, it's me. My mood is not on a high, nor do I see it getting back up there anytime soon. It's not like I'm miserable or anything ... I think worn down or slowly eroded is a better way to describe it. I feel drained by life. And maybe it is just that usual year-end type stuff, but I'm not completely convinced. Things seem to be mostly mediocre in all aspects of life. Although I'm still mostly enjoying work ... except the fact that I have to actually work everyday, but I think that's quite a common malady - who wouldn't rather spend the morning lazing in bed until your body decides it's had enough sleep and then swanning about all morning getting things done while alternatively relaxing and enjoying the sunshine?

Varen & I aren't very connected at the moment. I don't think it's to do with the elephant, although that's not helping. It's more to do with the fact that I have hardly seen him in the last week. For the most part that makes me miss him and really enjoy the moments when he's around ... on the other hand tho, you get used to not having someone in your space. It's a bit of a catch 22. And it's especially hard for me to be understanding and accommodating to him while I'm in this weird blue funk. Mostly I just seem to disconnect.

And then there's friends and family. There's an ongoing family niggle that's mine alone to deal with. But it's reared it's ugly head very recently and has just added to my mindset. And friends ... well, who knows. Mostly I've been feeling anti-social lately. I was sorta dreading book club last night, and for half the night when I didn't know what to say to most of the people there, because I've long since learnt that they don't really care about what's going on in your life ... or rather if they do, it's really only at these monthly intervals, but did end up having a pretty good evening out with them. It's become a weird group. I guess it's just weird because I started it but it seems to have been hijacked a bit by some of the others ... it's more about them and the friends they're already seeing more than twice a week (just my own personal guestimation here) so they're chatting away like normal, already knowing exactly what's been happening in each other's lives leaving the rest of us (maybe it's just me?) to feel left out or rude and nosy when we try to join in and actually figure out what the conversation is about. On the other hand the thing that I'm liking (although is probably not good for me) is having different groups of people. I'm seeing the bookclub girls monthly, the poker girls monthly, the bloggirls monthly ... and no one overlaps. It nice for me to spend time with different people, but I'm left not really connecting with anyone.

There's so much more I could say about all sorts of things going on in my head (around thee issues, in more detail), but I won't. It's just my round about way of apologising for the particularly boring blog-posts of late :)