The Waiting Game

I think the depression of the last week has actually set in now ... Everything seems futile.I was too afraid to check on Coal this morning, I sent Varen down first. I don't think my heart could take it if he wasn't okay. But then I wake up in the middle of the night and think "Should I check on him". But I know that if we find Coal in anything like the state Bell & Henna were in, there's no hope. He's had the Panacur (day 3 today) which they didn't have so if he shows symptoms, it's either not the parasite or it's too late. I'm terrified. Even if he doesn't get it now, he might get it another time. What if he's a carrier, can we still get him a bunny-buddy?

We should get the results of Henna's autopsy today or tomorrow. I know it was the right thing to do but I just can't bring myself to accept that I'm letting them cut my little girl up. And I don't know what I'm hoping for from the results. Part of me hopes it was a plant that they ate ... then at least I can control the situation in future and get rid of the problem completely and rest a little easier ... although then I'll no doubt have heaps of guilt about Bell & Henna's death because I bought a plant :( If it was the parasite, then it's not my fault and there was nothing muc hI could've done anyway ... but then how do I stop it from happening in future? Neither brings pleasant news.

But Coal is here at work next to me in his hutch again. So far he's perfectly normal. Which does nothing to make me feel any better. Because Henna & Bell were just as fine up until they were completely floppy / paralysed and then dead.

Sob. All I'm trying to do is figure out how to make it thru the next few days ...