Empty

I am not in the mood for writing. I'm not in the mood for much. I feel neutral. I feel meh. I feel like I'm just plodding along thru life. The things that are keeping me going at the moment are my bunnies and my future holiday plans - although those are still fairly uncertain. Must go get Certified Bank Cheque today. Blegh. Bank queues. Sigh.

I'm not especially enjoying work right now. It's complicated to explain, but I haven't been on a single project for long enough that it's become the norm. Which is frustrating. I have no idea what I'll be doing each day when I get in (which might sound ideal to some of you), but you can be sure it'll involve all sorts of teeny little bits that no one else wants to do, but need to be done and therefore they land in my lap. And not being assigned to any one thing, everyone seems to feel like they can wander up to my desk and say "Hey, could you do this? I'm sure it won't take long". I feel like I'm being pulled in any number of random directions during a day. I find it rather soul-destroying. Like being constantly busy but getting nothing done. Oh, and then there's the not being remotely interested or intrigued by the things you are doing. I'm sure very little of this makes sense to an outside reader so I won't continue.

And then there's home life. I feel like I'm living alone. Varen worked late on Monday night. I had book club on Tuesday night and then he worked late again last night. I'm not sure if it even affects my life anymore, I'm slowly getting so used to eating alone and spending my evenings doing my own thing. Things just seem to be happening around me and I'm just plodding along, in a bubble. Unaffected and untouched. I feel numb. I feel like other people have other more important things that are driving them (be it work or family or whatever). Me, right now I have nothing driving me forward other than the fact that time moves along whether you are paying attention or not.

I feel empty.