Boys. Pfft.

Am in a weird head space this morning. I know things are going great and life is good and mostly exciting (or at least I'm sure it sounds that way from the outside), but inside it's missing something. I need to meet more people. And I don't think that just means "meet more potential boys", I think it's about just broadening my social circle and meeting new people in general, who know other people and meeting them too.

I'm also a little disillusioned with the whole "boy thing" (which is why it definitely extends to meeting more potential boys ... probably at some point I should start calling them men?) It's no wonder things are so freaking confusing. It's largely our fault (and I take full responsibility as a girl here too!), I can't imagine how any of them can expect to get it right. (And don't be mistaken, even knowing this, I still expect them to - haha!).

Girls are crazy. It's the weirdest thing. I dunno if it's just me, but I suspect it's not. We want our men to behave in a certain way (perhaps the way is what differs between girls, but I'm not even sure of that). For me, I want someone to be confident and bold and know what they want. And to go out and get it. Mostly because I like to think that's how I am, I find the world a happier place when I'm getting what I want (haha!). And I think I need (and I think I want) someone who won't be a push-over for me and someone who will stand up for what they want too.

But on the flip side of that coin, I only want that determination in certain people, in the people I like. Receiving that kind of dogged and determined attention from someone you didn't like would be just downright annoying. Sigh. They'd never believe you when you said you weren't interested. And how on earth are they supposed to know which category they are in? I have *no* idea. But they should. Dammit.

I can't count the number of times I'm faced with a situation and think "The perfect thing for him to do right now would be ...". But of course the boys never do those things and they no doubt never even cross their minds.

That's not all true, to be fair. There are some boys out there like that (apparently). I'll admit it was a large part of Varen's initial appeal. Sadly it turned out just to be a ploy to attract the girl and those qualities were definitely lacking by the end of our relationship. Is it simply confidence and self-awareness?

I don't know. I do know that this whole "boy thing" is much harder 6 years later. It doesn't come as easily to me - am I just out of practice with the game of flirting or am I just more guarded by my experiences. Haha, a few weeks back I met someone and after an approx 5 minute discussion I was like "I'm sorry, I can't speak to you anymore, I've already dated you, it doesn't end well". And no, I hadn't really dated the guy, I'd just met him. But he was such a combination of bits of Bean and bits of Varen (sadly not all the best bits!). It was kinda frightening, honestly.

That's not to say I haven't met some fab boys so far, I have, I think. Nothing that has swept me off my feet and no one I'd consider dating seriously, tho. (In the future, I mean, because I'm so not in a serious-dating place right now) I know it can't simply be that all the good ones are already taken ... right?

Yep, I am definitely feeling out of sorts about things.