We Survived.

I have specifically avoided writing this week. It's been a super bad week between The Trucker and I. Super Bad. I really thought I'd be writing a different post this morning. I thought we'd break up last night. I'm happy to report we didn't.

Don't misunderstand, while he was thinking he'd be breaking up with me, I was thinking I'd be the one breaking up with him. It was that bad a week.

We have barely spoken since Saturday morning. We fought on Saturday night. We didn't see each other till last night. Sometimes space can be constructive and sometimes it can be destructive. This time I found it helpful. Well, in the sense that I had built things up and tore them down all in my own head before we spoke. If we'd seen each other sooner, I'm not sure we'd still be together right now.

I have prepared emotionally all week for a break up. It went from the (I thought) minor incident on Saturday to a full blown, where-is-this-going place in my head. And yes, down the line I may have to make some tough decisions about what I want in my life and whether we are aligned closely enough in those things.

For the meantime, I've just asked him to think about his future, what he wants for it and if I'm actually in it. He doesn't seem to think much about things to come and, instead, lives more in the right here and right now. Which has been partially a good lesson for me (because I've always been wrapped up in future planning ... none of it has happened according to plan yet tho :P) but has also been hard because it's not my natural state. He had some good points about what was bothering him too and what Saturday's incident was, for him, the final straw.

I think we're okay for now again. And I'm glad about that. Yesterday I wasn't feeling at all positive there was any possibility of an outcome that involved us staying together. But we found a way.