Worrywart

Whoop whoop, it's Friday! Well, it is for me at least :)

Yesterday was the turn-around point in my little moody drama and things seem on the up. Yes, I shouldn't get so affected by things being good or bad between The Trucker and I, but I do. When they are good, I am a heady explosion of anything-is-possible and life is amazing. When they feel out-of-synch (for something as mundane as us both having bad days at the office, although you'd think that'd put us in-synch :P), I feel more sensitive to everything and take everything that little bit more personally. While I'm a lot more confident in our relationship and the fact that he's not going anywhere after his Grand Gesture, I'm still not unshakeable ... I hope to never be, so that I never take him for granted either.

Soooo anyways. Monday was a bit of a weird evening at home. Tip-toeing. We sorted it all out and yesterday things got back to normal.

I'll admit I think some of it is a) this impending weekend away with his friends. For so many dumb reasons in my head that if I write them down, I'm sure you'll think I'm certifiable. But they're there anyways, gnawing away. I may travel extensively, often in groups. But I rarely go away with people I know or friends. I mean, obvs I go away with the boyf regularly, but you see generally you'll have an unspoken understanding of agreement and accommodating what the other wants to do. I don't have much experience with it, but my idea of traveling with friends is an exhausting push-me-pull-you of who wants to do what and dragging other people along because everyone must do everything together. See, I'm sure it's probably not like that ... but I'm afraid of it. I like to do what I like to do, and while I enjoy other people's suggestions and organised things, I like to have the choice of participation without being considered the odd one out.

I'm afraid that The Trucker will be put in a situation of hanging out with me or them. So that has been weighing on me. Honestly, I am sure it'll probably turn out to be more fun than not ... but I'm no good with anticipating the unknown, especially when I don't expect I'll like the unknown. I like to be in control, in the driver's seat. It is hard enough for me letting The Trucker organise all the accommodation, food and everything without my input for this weekend and feeling like I'm just his Plus 1. This group of friends has all known each other for almost 10 years, I'd guess, and seem to have spent almost every weekend together while we were broken up ... I don't really have these sort of non-stop-hanging-out friends. Seeing anyone more than once a week (other than my boyf) seems too much ... and I feel like I have too many other people to see. I know, I'm probably the weird one here, not them.

I did so enjoy our last Sodwana trip together :) And I can't wait for another pizza at The Lighthouse! Promise to spend today feeling positive and upbeat and letting it go ... #sigh. Yes, it takes concentration for me - haha.

The other thing that has been weighing on my mind is yet another trip to Cape Town. On Saturday, The Trucker got invited to be Best Man at his uncle's wedding on Easter Monday. This is not a normal request as this uncle barely speaks to any of them. The uncle is getting married in Cape Town. I am not ready for another Cape Town trip ... we've just been. Anyway, the flights would be expensive (Easter!) but I organised a spot in Pringle Bay for us to stay for 2 nights (R400 for the place per night!) for the Friday and Saturday, so we could feel like we were getting a little bit of a break. Cape Town isn't the holiday for me that it is for him. He barely works while we're there. I have a longer (albeit prettier) drive to the office there than I do here. Then it's always this whirlwind of dinners out and trying to fit in seeing everyone and family. Which is lovely, don't get me wrong. But I feel like we've hardly had a minute to breathe yet with all these weekends away.

So anyway, I'm not going with him and he is probably just going for a few days instead of a whole week. With the Sodwana trip this weekend and paying for our April Kruger Long weekend, it seemed silly to spend another 2K each on a flight back to Cape Town so soon. And I have my US visa to apply for next week (YAY for Bermuda in September!) ... which is probably gonna cost almost as much.

So yeah, things are feeling a little lighter ...